Oh how my heart aches. Of lately, my heart is aching and grieving so much that I now recognize that my personal attunement (aka fancy word would be intraceptive awareness) is further off than it has been in quite some time. How are you?
I normally am very intune to what my body needs, what it craves, and how to lean into wellness in the moment. Prior to having this type of relationship with food and respect for my body, I have for sure (over)used food for comfort, which by the way it is completely normal to have comfort foods (which I will explain in another blog), but I would disconnect from my bodies signs and eat beyond the point of satisfaction. I would eat until I was so full, I was numb (what I often refer to as thanksgiving full). Sound familiar?
I personally have not been in a space of disconnect for quite some time and it is even worse! I am not only disconnected from fullness/satisfaction; I am completely disconnected from my hunger. I currently have no hunger desires, I know my stomach is hungry because it is showing physical signs of hunger like growling, but my desire to eat is not there. Nothing sounds decadent, pleasing or even satisfactory. For anyone who knows me, knows I LOVE FOOD! (Heck why else be a dietitian :) ).
I go through all the cues I teach for identifying attunement to my body's needs, but nothing. I don't want cold or hot, sweet or spicy, soft or crunchy... I am just completely disconnected. I do eat out of respect for my body because it needs nourishment to keep going, but I miss my attunement. I miss enjoyment of food. I miss being connected. And oh there is so much I miss and so much I long for. So I am digging deeper and asking myself...
Why am I feeling this way? What is the root cause? What is coming up for me? What is being suppressed? And most of all...
WHAT IS HAPPENING IN MY HEART THAT IS IMPACTING MY BRAIN AND STOMACH?
Just like you, there a million thoughts contributing to these answers. I feel it, I see it, I have my own experiences, thoughts, and beliefs on the topics that have so gravely impacted not only our nation, but our world. 2020 has shown more global contrast of what we don't want than any other year in my lifetime. It is a year for growth and focusing on what we do want for sure!
With all that said... one common factor that I keep coming back to is grief. For me, grief is leading my disconnect. This grief impacts the heart. My heart is experiencing the stages of grief (denial, anger or irritation, depression or hopelessness, bargaining or struggling to find meaning, and acceptance but I am not there yet). My mind is directing my behavior and thinking things such as "What can I do" "What do we collectively need to do" "What is right/wrong" "What is factual". And then my stomach, or as I like to call it, my gut, is processing everything... and goodness knows there is alot to process right now. So there is just no room for hunger attunement. It has been taken over by processing grief.
All of this can lead to physical manifestions such as head tension (major headache yesterday), conflicted feelings, and an unsettled gut or even worse... complete disconnection between those 3 processing centers (the mind, body, and soul...aka gut).
For several days I knew I was impacted with this grief, but I couldn't quite pinpoint it or I didn't have a name for it. I now recognize where I am and can gently shift towards more alignment/connection. If we are not in alignment when serving, who are we really serving?
I ask again... How is your heart? I have not a met single person not impacted with some level of grief in the last few months. No matter your opinions/beliefs, we are ALL experiencing some level of global grief and that in of itself demonstrates that we are all truly connected. With all this in mind, I thought I would share some of things I am personally doing to get back to my own personal attunement/alignment.
Allowing myself to sleep in (when I can) and really taking care to set my stage for rest.
Practicing sacred morning routines, such as thinking/writing/saying things I am grateful for, utilizing a dry brush to love on my body and wake it up, essential oil aromas to ignite my pleasure center of my brain, and intentionally allowing slower mornings to set the pace for the day. Not to mention, avoiding social media until I am truly in a place to consume. I personally am planning to delete social media apps from my phone and only get on via my computer in order to have my actions very intentional.
Connecting with family/friends - game nights, movie nights, coffee dates, intentionally trying to be silly, phone calls, etc.
Connecting with nature. Getting outside when I can...even in the rain. Or at least looking out a window when I can.
Taking some quite time for me. Which sometimes including writing, meditating, going to yoga, taking a bath, or even watching a feel good or funny show.
Intentionally picking my music, podcasts, youtubes, etc to be uplifting and/or educational in way that feels good.
And...moving my body in the way it feels good. Sometimes that is a 3 mile walk, but sometimes it is as simple as getting up to stretch every little bit on a lounge around day.
These may not be items that get you into alignemnt and back intune with your own personal attunement, but I encourage you to join me in finding what works for you so that we can globally start to shift our collective global grief to our collective global desires.
If you are struggling, please do not hesitate to reach out! I am here holding this space of healing for you. Much LOVE to you!